Mothers are the best barometers available to judge which politician they think would make the best lover.
They should know, for motherhood goes through stages where their bodies and love lives constantly experience a transformation as a result of the miraculous conception they undergo by giving life to another human being.
In a recent survey, mothers have disclosed how they rated the sexiness of politicians who are vying for their votes.
One member of Mumsnet, the parenting website, called Ed Balls, the shadow chancellor, a ‘sexy beast’ while another said he looks ‘capable and meaty’.
The first description, I can understand, while the second one is rather vague. Looks capable of what, I may ask? Whereas ‘meaty’ is not necessarily a complimentary term. Pejorative perhaps, who knows?
Gordon Brown, the former prime minister, was described as ‘mysterious and moody’. An accurate perception, but does not tell much about his bedroom antics – if any.
As for Boris Johnson, the bonking mayor, he was seen as ‘fun’. No doubt he is, in all manners of speech, and a confident sexual performer to boot.
Ed Miliband fared less well in the discussion, which involved four hundred women, as did David Cameron. Many mothers said they would rather have a night of passion with the Labour leader’s brother David.
David looks good and rather flirty, but how capable is he in bed? This is another side of his, which needs exploring.
One user said, ‘David Cameron is a bit too arrogant to be generous in the bedroom.’ Maybe so, but he certainly does not ooze with carnal appeal. I can’t see him as a heartthrob.
Others thought George Osborne would be ‘fumbling’, Tony Blair would want to look in a mirror, and with Nick Clegg it would be over very quickly.
What a brilliant commentary of the last three. Fumbling is a word that characterises Osborne beautifully, while Blair’s mirrorphobia is something he projects so well.
And as for Nick Clegg, he could be the dark horse and perhaps prove us all wrong. It is a pity his wife Miriam was not asked to shed light on his performance outside politics.
Maybe she will, if she thinks that will boost his chances of surviving the forthcoming general election…