Sex and the Single Utility

The public relations world has gone loopy. They employ people at high salaries to coin subtle phrases to attract the attention of the populace in order to justify yet another increase, this time in the price of energy.

Saving energy!

Their remedy is spelt out in simple phraseology: ‘People should give up hot drinks, take showers together and go to bed early so as to cut their energy usage,’ according to a cheeky supplier who raised its prices by eighteen per cent last year, paving the way I guess for more punitive increases in this current year.

First Utility, Britain’s biggest independent energy supplier, who has around 300,000 customers, issued its words of wisdom in an ‘energy diet’ plan that it said would cut £150 from a typical bill.

It suggested consumers reduce their energy usage on two days of each week by following its tips such as: ‘Opt for an early night.’ ‘Up to you what you do,’ the supplier said, ‘but putting out the lights and turning off the box can save you £18 a year – and it could be lots of fun.’

But what they failed to tell their customers was that the fun they refer to may land them in more costly undertakings. An unwanted pregnancy, for example, is the last thing most people would entertain in the austerity climate we live in.

The supplier, masquerading as a clever dick, urged customers to ‘shower together’ thus raising the moral issue to its upper limits by insinuating sexual congress, adding, ‘romantic or awkward’… which again will lead to complications we can all do without at this crucial time.

Either way, they are saying sharing a shower can save you £34 a year. All you have to do is just ask permission from the other person first. Which other person, I might as well ask. Either I’m too dumb to appreciate this latest twist in humour, or the supplier has over expressed its message to the point of self-deluded mockery.

However, that’s not all. It also suggested consumers give up caffeine, ‘as by not boiling a kettle for 2 days a week’ they could save about £10 a year. Other tips included playing Monopoly ‘or any other family game’ [unspeakable!]; cooking in bulk, or using a clothes-airer, instead of the tumble drier.

Tom Greatrex, Labour’s shadow energy minister, said: ‘Raising energy bills really aren’t a laughing matter and cause genuine hardship for millions. Issuing ridiculous advice, however tongue-in-cheek, will insult and annoy many consumers who are struggling to heat and power their homes this winter.’

Ed Kamm, First Utility’s Chief Customer Officer, defended the advice, saying: ‘We want to help our customers use less energy where they can by shedding some light on what different activities cost. These tips are meant to provide some advice as to how we might reduce our energy usage and are absolutely not intended to trivialise the issue of fuel poverty, something we take very seriously.’

What a load of poppycock! He should hang his head in shame, keep his flippant advice within the moronic environment he seems to inhabit and take this as his cue, for humour is certainly not his forte.

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