My Weekend Review: The Strategist

The Middleton family’s rise from virtual obscurity to almost royal status is not only remarkable but astronomically incredulous. They have worked their way up the social ladder to attain heights which, given their humble but obviously enterprising background, must rank as a rare achievement in a tight-arsed British establishment.

Kate is now a future Queen of England while her sister Pippa has become the most desirable social butterfly to grace the High Society scene for many a generation. The brother hasn’t lagged much behind in celebrity exposure especially since taking up with the glamorous Donna Air who seems to relish her new role of joining a family destined to grandiose ascendancy in the new aristocratic realm.


How did it all begin? The mother, an astute and ambitious operator, forged a business dynasty from scratch; whilst Kate played her cards well at university by latching onto William, heir to the throne. It all came to fruition when she wore that famous see-through dress which must have galvanized the future king into a rhapsody of passion that never left him. The rest is now history.

Pippa on the other hand was waiting in the shadows. Cognisant of what her future should be, being the sister of the future Queen of England, she had plans of her own, mainly the freedom to assert herself. Her opportunity came sooner than anyone expected or for that matter, dreamed of. Her bottom was to prove her most bankable asset. That white dress at the royal wedding stole the show with her pert rear clad in beautiful silk knickers designed to give it more sensual and supple movements. And my golly, it worked to perfection! The nation was mesmerised by the rhythmic undulations of her rear as she walked and Pippa found herself catapulted into the hearts of every able-bodied young man whose cravings for her attained greater momentum, in all sorts of directions.

The clamour for her services – as a guru, an arbiter of taste, a diarist, a cookery expert, a commentator of cricket and a know-all seer – has never stopped since. What an amazing and incredible transformation all this turned out to be. While she is parodied by the media for her poor knowledge of things and her many statements of the obvious, she remains nevertheless a much sought-after celebrity who attracts the kind of press interest that money cannot buy.

So my message to aspiring young ladies (and their sisters) in waiting is very simple. You have to bag a royal first before a pert bottom can do the trick. But don’t forget a strategist mother of Carole’s calibre, otherwise your wiggling derrière might give the wrong signals to the right people and negate your prospects of outdoing Pippa at her own game.

SUNDAY MIRROR ONLY Kate Middleton with her sister Pippa and mother Carole-1509669

Pippa on the other hand is well advised to nurture her brain more fully as the novelty of her oscillating rear might soon wear out. She has become over exposed and needs intellectual gravitas to lift her image upwards, before a downward plunge occurs.

She must also remember that what is not wisdom is danger.

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